Sharing

I believe in sharing what I know, or at least the parts that I think might help someone else to live their dreams. That’s why I write the challenges of living mine on this blog; it’s why I’m doggedly determined to publish my book on the subject of how to discover the happiest of tango experiences in Buenos Aires; and it’s why this week I was delighted to write a guest post for someone else. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen my writing take pride of place on someone else’s blog, and I’m pleased to say it feels rather good… if slightly strange: like I gave a naked piece of me away, and someone else chose the clothes. Lucky for me, the someone else did not let me down. I feel proud reading what he wrote about me as an introduction to my piece, and my writing looks comfortingly professional on his great looking page.

Rick, at the Art Factory Hostel in San Telmo asked me months ago, to write an article for the Art Factory Hostel Blog. People are always asking about tango at our reception desk, he said, Maybe you could introduce them to a little more than they get to see at the tango dinner shows. Yep, I thought, I could. But not right this minute because I’m off to the UK, working to a deadline on the book, feeling under pressure… when I get a rainy day with nothing to do in England maybe (didn’t happen), or maybe when I get back to BsAs…

I did go and visit the Art Factory Hostel before I left the country though. It was a hip and arty lugar with the communal areas and even individual rooms adorned with the stunning murals of some pretty famous and hugely talented graffiti artists (see photo above). Barbie loved the creativity that was positively oozing from the walls, and from the wonderfully friendly people running the place. Yes Sallycat, she said, this we have to do!

Last week I finally sent Rick my piece, Sallycat’s 6 Ways to Discover Tango in Buenos Aires. I hope you’ll take a look. It’s simple, offers a first glimpse of tango for those tourists who have never danced a step but might just want to while they’re in town. It might just encourage a few more fortunate souls into the dance that brought me here in the first place. Plus, it may bring a few new readers to Sallycat’s Adventures and eventually to my book. That’d be fab. I like sharing this way because I write only once, but many people read the writing; I can put time into the piece and make sure the information is worth having; I can schedule the writing to suit other things going on in my life, and because it is only ‘the once’, it’s not too time consuming.

I confess that where I sometimes struggle in terms of sharing is when people get in touch with me one at a time. I mentioned it once before when I wrote The Truth here, and back then I felt so overwhelmed (because of me, not because of you) that I actually stopped writing the blog for a few months. That ain’t gonna happen today because I’m stronger than I was, and prefer to find practical solutions rather than run, but the fact remains that I just can’t do the one to one, personalised BsAsholiday/BsAstango/BsAsadvice-thing either face to face or by email for everyone who gets in touch with me out of the blue. Even if I was charging vast amounts by the hour for ‘consulting services’ I’m not sure I could do it either, because it isn’t the reason I’m on this earth and deep down I know it… at the moment anyway, setting up such a business wouldn’t bring me joy.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I don’t care or that I don’t understand how it can be when it’s your first trip to Buenos Aires, or your first encounter with the pistas of this city of tango dreams, or your dream. I do understand, completely. I have been there. Right there. I know at least some of your hopes, your fears, your questions, even before you tell me. That’s why I’ve got a Top Tips for Tourists page and a Top Tips on BsAs Books and Maps page. That’s why I’ve written knocking on for 200 posts on this blog. And that’s why I’m writing a book for tango tourists. Into that book has gone everything I know that I think can help, and right now I’m working as hard as I can to get it into print so that you can hold the answers to many of your questions in your hands… the answers you need, from my head into your hands. That’s my goal. And I promise you, I’m doing it as fast as I possibly can.

Like I’ve said before I’m always happy to answer comments on my blog because it puts information in the public domain. Here too I write once, many people read. Both your comments or questions and my answers help everyone. In the past, and especially in my early days here when I was in more of a tourist phase myself, I chose to give one to one advice to many people by email or in a chat over coffee… Everyone is different, unique, needs something special, I said to myself. And I do believe that to be true. That’s why so far, I haven’t sent out any one size fits all emails. That’s why I won’t give Top 3 type answers to questions like, What are the best milongas in Buenos Aires? Or even, What are your favourite milongas? Quite simply your best won’t be mine, and you may hate my favourites. That’s why I’ve written my book in such a way as to empower you to make the right choices for you. I wish I could give it to you now, but I can’t. Just proof that it exists in a complete form, in the less than exciting picture on the left: a working manuscript lying on a British floor, now being edited in Scotland, on its way to being born.

Until it is, and afterwards too, I don’t know how many strangers (however lovely they may be) I can email with, or talk to individually… I’m into my third year in Buenos Aires, I’m trying to build a sustainable life with the man I love, I’m trying to make a living from writing. I need more personal space than I once did.

I try to balance this Sallycat need to fly solo against the fact that I’ve met some amazing people on my journey so far, and if I hadn’t held my hand out to strangers and they hadn’t held their hand out to me I wouldn’t have an editor, or a book designer, photographs for the book, or so many wonderful supporters and amazing friends. It’s give and take isn’t it? It’s flexibility. It’s balance. It’s knowing yourself and what you can and can’t do at any moment in time. It’s knowing and admitting when it feels right and when it doesn’t. It’s being honest and up front about it. It’s never saying never, but it’s sometimes saying no. It’s not feeling guilty when you do. And it’s not like I don’t practice what I preach. I ask sometimes too, of course I do. Yet when someone says no to me, it’s cool: I respect the fact that your No, is just you being true to yourself and I salute that. It’s like the guys who look the other way in the milonga because they don’t want to dance with me: that’s their choice and it’s OK. I don’t want to give all of them the mirada either, and I don’t. Besides, both they and I know that we could change our minds any minute, any tanda, any day. No now may not always mean No forever – ah, and now we are in danger of getting into the content of the book, so I’ll stop.

Suffice to say, in the interests of sharing the truth, that perhaps in part because of my vast experience of No in the tango salons of Buenos Aires, No in life is getting less dramatic for me, but I still don’t find it that easy. I wonder if you do. Why not comment here and tell me? And if you’d rather not, in other words if it’s a No, well that’s fine with me too.